My JRPG Adventure Went Completely FUBAR, As Expected
by kmtdiccion
Summary: I've always regarded myself as a video-game connoisseur, yet nothing could prepare me for what's to come. And to think that I could become a protagonist in some normal fantasy RPG. How foolish I was. Zaimokuza, if I ever learn that you are the creator of this world, I swear to Kami that I will beat your ass! What kind of a world is this? (OregairuXEvenicle Fusion)


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Oregairu. I also don't own Evenicle. The former is from Wataru Watari-sensei and the latter is from Alicesoft. I will not gain any monetary gain from this one.

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**Author's Notes!**

Hey there! This is kmtdiccion here~ I've been a lurker on this fandom for a while now, and I've come to a point where just reading just doesn't cut it to me, and so, I decided to write. Oregairu has been one of my top favorite animes I've watched and read since 2010, so I've been very conscious about writing a fanfic about it. If I wanted to write something here, I want it to be on par with what I've read here. And thankfully, the time has come for me to spring forth and enjoy my youth!

So, a bit of a warning first. As for the story itself, the VN canon has some elements that is rather... delicate for some readers (This is, after all, an Alicesoft game, so do expect that those will happen). Although it was nowhere near close as their most known series *cough*RANCE*cough*, they have some scenes that may leave the reader squirming, so whenever there's an M-rated scene, **I will alert you along with proper tags. Although nothing is happening at the moment, this serves as an early reminder that things may go south quickly. Be warned.**

Let's get this thing started! Once again, I am kmtdiccion and welcome to my newest story titled...

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**"My JRPG Adventure Went Completely FUBAR, As Expected"**  
by: kmtdiccion

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**Chapter One:**  
**"To Start With, This New World's System Sucks"**

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I've always regarded myself as a video-game connoisseur.

Given that my contact with the outside world is severely limited, the only thing that kept me from going insane is my Vita-chan, and so I have a plethora of useless trivia and knowledge when it comes to gaming. Like for example, clearing 'ads' whenever you trigger the boss' health threshold is an absolute imperative for dungeon raiding, but if you were, say, a burst mage and you're confident enough that a single rotation of spells, in addition to your DPS' constant hits, could end the game, then the small fry wouldn't even matter.

Unfortunately, even in the online world, I dive into the monster's depths alone. The EXP and Loot isn't divided, so that's a plus for me.

Anyway, Japan is famous for it's distinct story-driven games that its western counterparts couldn't match. Of course, our fellow brothers on the other side's expertise lies with massive world building, cool and engaging mechanics, and other-worldly graphics, so they weren't considered inferior, but as an Asian boy, a well thought-out and gut-wrenching story line far outweighs any superficial additions.

And for the record, I am not a fanboy. I just appreciate good storytelling when I read one.

I am not too blinded by my nationalistic pride to not admit that although we've produced masterpieces, a significant chunk of the video games that were published are complete shit. I've seen games where the controls are convoluted messes that can break your fingers first before you finish the level. There are visual novels with plot points so cliche and badly executed, that you would sometimes wonder on how such atrocity could even pass as a game.

The point I'm making is, even though games have been a significant part of my life, even I have some standards on what to play. Just like youth, I won't succumb to games that would amount to nothing but an opportunism for my wallet.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Why am I talking about video games? The reason was simple, actually. In fact, it was so simple, that even I couldn't even comprehend it. Funny, right? What kind of nonsense would be both simple, yet excruciatingly impossible to think of. Well, let me tell you this:

I don't know how, but I think I've been transported into a video game. Specifically, a Fantasy J-RPG.

How did I know, you ask? Aside from the fact that every now and then, I could make the menu screen 'appear', listing all of my stats, items, and equipment in full display, the world that I'm currently living in doesn't feel like Chiba, or anywhere else in the world. Back on my hometown, the air feels light, almost barren even, but here, it was definitely imbued deeply with magic that simply breathing in felt heavier than usual. There's also the fact that there were no signs of industrialization anywhere else. There's no technology and electricity.

Incidentally, now I realize how I've taken my earlier life for granted. Oh, how I missed modern life.

Anyway, the last thing I remember before coming here is my 'date' with both Yukino and Yui. The complete embarrassment that I felt when I remember that one time where I bared all of my thoughts and emotions to them, and the subsequent changes that I started to notice from the two. The day where both of my perceptions of them were shattered, revealing the ugly truth that even I, too, was not impervious to mistakes. I could still hear their words echoing inside my mind.

_"One more thing... I have a request. Would you care to listen to it?"_

What happened next was pure blank. I can't remember how I even got here in the first place. If the light novels that I've read were believed to be true, then there must be something that happened to me that caused me to be 'isekai'd' to this place. Maybe after the date, Truck-kun was jealous from the attention and decided to give me some good ol' 'nogging', so to speak. Even something that seemed to be pulled from Zaimokuza's ass would be believable, but all I got was nothing.

Aside from the unusual place, the way I arrived here wasn't some spectacular 'dropped-down-from-the-heavens' type of event. The moment I first opened my eyes, I raised my limbs first, only to see that they were far shorter and stubby than I expected. And when I decided to open my mouth, all that comes out were garbled noises. It was at that moment where I realized that I wasn't just got transported to another world. No, I was actually 'reborn' to this place as a child.

What the actual hell, Fantasy gods? I thought you were better than the Rom-com ones. And what's worse is that I have to re-live my life as a toddler while retaining my mind as a teenage boy. Are you actually serious about this?

Embarrassment aside, I slowly learned more about the place as I grew up, absorbing as much information as I could. It didn't take me long to realize the place I'm currently residing is called Fresh Fish Island, a distant island far off from the continent with a population of twenty old-folk. Thank God for small mercies, then, because the last thing I wanted is to interaction with other people. Besides me, the only anomaly from the area are my two young twin 'caretakers' who watched over me as I grew up. They are-

"-kun... Hachiman-kun..."

...

"Hey, Hachiman-kun, what do you want to do?"

...

"Hey, Hachiman-kun. I know you're awake. Answer me."

Goddammit, woman. Can't you see I'm busy with my monologue like a proper protagonist? Heh. To think that someone as twisted as the Monster of Logic could ever land a leading role, even if this is some second-rate story is totally laughable. I faked groaned while stretching my arms up as I revel on my self-deprecating joke.

"... Mmm, aah... Kyou?"

"Honestly, Hachiman-kun. You know any boy would kill to be in this spot right now, and yet here you are, starting the day by staring at us with that dead-fish eyes. Do you not appreciate us?"

"It's not that I don't appreciate it, Kinou, but I don't think anyone would like shoving your faces right in front of them the first thing in the morning."

I stared at my two caretakers with a straight face. On my right side is Kyou, the always smiling, frenetic, and somewhat boisterous of the twins. I don't know that much about the two before my arrival, but I guess she's the younger one, based on her attitude. Huh, the hell's going on? I've already rubbed my eyes, yet my vision's still cloudy and a bit bubbly. But before I could ponder about my sight, Kyou pouted at me, appealing to me with her ditsy act.

"C'mon, why you got to be a sourpuss the first thing you wake up?"

"Because being a big ball of sunshine like you is a pain in the ass."

Meanwhile, on the other side sits Kinou, the complete opposite of Kyou. If I were to describe her using one word, she's the 'moon' to her twin's 'sun'. Silent, graceful, and stoic, she's the reserved one that counteracts Kyou's brashness. But make no mistake, Kinou can be as annoying as her sister if she wants to. For example, right now she's observing me from the other side while talking in her monotone voice.

"You're always the sarcastic one. You still haven't answered our question."

"Uh, answer what again?"

I tried to recall any conversation with her that has any sort of value, but my memories were oddly foggy. Add the fact that my vision wasn't getting any better, my focus was almost nil at this point. As a result, all I could gather from my senses were the girls' scents.

Now, before you call the police, I want you to listen to me first. I know that last line could land me a sentence and a restraining order, but hear me out. This is all because my sight has failed me, so there was definitely no deeper meaning behind it. And as far as science goes, a female's scent will always be distinct from males. You can blame it on the hormones, but it is scientific when I say that any boy would easily identify anyone based on their natural scent. Source: the internet.

While I was busy with my thoughts, however, Kyou peered at me as she inched closer to my face. And when I finally realized her, it was all too late. Her outfit emphasizes the curves of her chest. She looked like some slutty nurse, a staple character trope in most eroge. Meanwhile, her sister wasn't faring better. Kinou continued to stare at me while casually exposing her long creamy thighs. A single piece of white cloth barely covering her middle. The Hachiman of the past would've convulsed with disgust, but right now, I just didn't care.

Living with them made me learn this simple fact: No matter what I say or do, they will not care and will still continue to torment me.

"You're spacing out again. I think your cognitive skills are getting worse."

"I'm sorry... I wasn't listening. Can you tell me again?" The bubbly one let out a groan at that, with a slightly exasperated face towards me. Look, I'm sorry if I'm being a dimwit for a moment, but I really can't remember anything. My eyes are still cloudy, and I'm still out of focus. This, still, wasn't apparent to them.

"Geez, I was sure you were listening to us yesterday. What we said is... Do you want to do us?"

... What the actual hell are you asking, woman!? Are you still sane? Now I understood why I can't remember it. It's because of your outrageous questions. Why can't you have any sense of decency when it comes to me? You're not like that when you talk to the other residents in this island, yet you and your twin would always bombard me with this nonsense... Shit, I think I have a migraine at this point. I can't help but rub the temples of my head and let out my answer.

"Are you crazy?"

"You don't need to act coy, Hachiman-kun. I know deep down that you have desires of the carnal nature for us." The way she laughed at that irks me with great deal. You know what, just go back to your cheerful self. Playing as a seductress doesn't fit you, I think... Yeah, i-it's not like you have the body to pull it off. Swear, I am not trying to deny anything, just facts.

"What even gave you that idea? Kinou, don't just stare at me. Talk some sense to your sister!"

"Oh? So you don't want to have sex with me?"

That question made me stop to my tracks. Answering it on the fly won't cut it. I'm a veteran when it comes to dealing with girls, loner as I am, and one thing I knew from all the rejections that I took from them is that there's always something unsaid behind their words. Every girl has this set of questions and phrases that when answered by the opposite sex, would instantly let them know if you are worth talking to or not. And this one, no matter how outrageous it sounds, is one of them.

Answering it with a simple 'no' would completely backfire to me. They would cite that answer as their weapon to get back to me, saying things like 'so you don't find me attractive?' or 'am I ugly?' and the likes. And as much as I hate to admit it, but they've become precious to him. They were the ones who cared for me when I was but a child. The things that they've done did not gone over my head, and for that I am grateful.

Not to mention that they're really attractive, not that I would admit it out loud.

With that, I have formulated another response. One that would keep me in the safe spot without hurting their feelings. I let out a sigh at first before speaking "... Look, it's not that I don't find you girls attractive. You two really are pretty. You don't need my words to prove that. To be honest, I'm also thankful for everything that you've done to me. I'm not the showy type, but you two started to grown on me. That's why I can't even fathom on 'taking' you two because despite my sarcasm most of the time, I-"

"I like the sentiment, but I really don't mind, you know."

"It's also fine by me, Hachiman-kun. If you want, you can see me naked. I don't think I have a great figure, so I don't know if you would like it."

... Wow. Just, wow. Way to kill the mood, you two. And seriously, Kinou? Hearing you say those lines make me think back of those riajuus on BookFace and Mooer who always wanted to fish some compliments by saying stuff like 'I'm not pretty' to lure the stupid boys and girls in. Thinking about said detestable people made my blood to boil once more. Once again, all riajuus can just go and blow themselves up, no matter what world they came from!

"If you're feeling really special, you can take my panties off and look at my crotch. Intercourse would be impossible, of course, but I think we can try anal." Please, just stop, Kinou. You're now acting a lot worse than Kyou now. And for the record, if I were to, say, go dive into my first time, I'd prefer to enter in the front end first, thank you very much. Doing it backdoors felt like way too advanced for my tastes... Not that I have plans on taking their offer, mind you.

"Or... you could grope my boobs, rub my butt, lick my nipples, and sandwich your dick between these tits before taking my virginity." Kyou smiled saucily as she whispered her own offer with as hotly as she could. Even though I wanted to deny, but her breath sent shivers down to my spine. That's it, I'm going crazy.

These two, I swear... I really did care for them, but right now, I am almost tempted to take back my earlier statement. Why can't they just go on one minute without sexually assaulting me? I know this may seem like every prepubescent boy's wet dream, but in reality, it was nothing but pain and torture. I never really liked these kind of tropes in anime and manga, and these two just drives the nail deeper.

"I suggest calming down. I know what boys your age are thinking of. You're still forgetting the most important thing." Kinou, was that your way of calming me down? I am NOT fantasizing about your ridiculous ideas. And finally, I felt like this discussion is being derailed. I hope they'll be serious now.

"Who are you going to pick?"

...

"What?"

"You can only pick one girl, so you need to decide between us."

"Now pick, Hachiman-kun. Of course, I assume you'll choose me." Kyou was first to get near me and started caressing my right arm. The two were smiling, but I can't help but feel a bit of fire emerging from them. Throughout mylife, I had more than my fair share of fights, but virtually all of them were akin to 'beating up the loner' kind of deal. This time, however, I felt like I'm some sort of prize and the two female with him are the contestants.

Kinou was quick on the uptake, as well, as she grabbed the other arm towards hers and said "I know Hachiman-kun will pick me. We're fated to be together."

That's right, in this world, marriage is seen as the highest form of relationship. So much so that breaking it is considered sin of the lowest form. The two started to pull me apart as they started begging me for my answer. My vision started to blur even worse as the feeling of being suffocated started to overcome any sort of conscious thinking. When I was about to scream, suddenly, the vision shifted to deep blue as water started to enter my mouth.

It felt like the bed I was sitting on suddenly vanished and was replaced by the ocean. The lack of air in my lungs kicks my survival instinct into high gear, pushing myself upwards towards the surface. My arms are already flailing, but I didn't gave up. I will not waver. My memories started to reemerge from my deep memory as I writhe and struggle to reach up.

_Mother Eve._

_The one said to have given birth to the first humans, that is according to this world's lore. She's considered the mother of all humanity and is revered as a goddess. To aid humans in this harsh world it's forced to inhabit, Mother Eve offered numerous blessings._

_But those blessings apply only to those who obey the Mother's two teachings._

_1\. You must not kill other humans._

_2\. You must not engage in intercourse with more than one partner._

... Wait, really? If you ask me, this world's system sucks so much, I can actually see Zaimokuza thinking about this setting.

After what felt like exiting a long, dark, tunnel, I heard the constant crashing of the oceans waves, signalling that I've already surfaced. Looked like I lucked out on that one. But, before I could celebrate my safety, I began to notice the unpleasant sensation of wet clothes sticking to my skin. Then, something soft came to my lips and pumped air, making me spurt out the water sitting inside my windpipe. As expected, I coughed hard, sending the salty liquid out of my body.

"Thank goodness, looks like you're breathing again."

I tried opening my eyes, but the sun shining above made it hard for me to see. Once my vision has settled, however, I realized that I was now face-to-face with a girl with long blonde hair flowing gently down, dancing with the gentle breeze of the sea.

"Can you tell me your name?"

"I'm... Hachiman. My full name is Hikigaya Hachiman."

"Okay, Hachiman. Mind if I call you that?"

"That's fine... Uh, where is this?"

"On the shore, near Abel."

I started to analyze the situation. A girl that I've never met is currently sitting on top of me while watching my expressions. So, that's what it is... The soft sensation that I'm currently feeling is none other then her rear. Now, I may not have a lot of friends in my past life, but I can guarantee that sitting on top of someone you barely know doesn't make a good first impression on one another, even if you're pretty.

"So... I don't know if you're fully awake, judging by how dead your eyes look, but do you understand the situation that you're in?"

Looking around, I can't see anyone, or anything for that matter, except the two of us on the beach. The way she's staring down at me with a knowing grin didn't sit well with me. She's reminiscent of a certain sly foxy kouhai. All I could do was stutter, not sure on how to react. Fortunately, she smiled and tried to ease me up.

"Hmm, don't worry. I'm just kidding to see if you've recovered."

"Recovered? From what?"

"First off, we're on the beach, and you're drench, comprende? You were unconscious, coughed up salt water, and then woke up. What do you think that means?"

Easily putting two in two, I can't help but flush from embarrassment. Somehow, I ended up drowning. The reason behind said event still eludes me, but I am still grateful for the stranger. If it weren't for her, I would've been shark food. Scratching the back of my head, I answered "Uh, um... I drowned, right?"

"Ding, ding, ding~ Correct!" She practically sang before explaining "You were floating face down on the shallow area, and I happened to pass by so I saved you."

"Oh... Thank you very much." I really don't know what to say else. Strange enough, I remembered the time where I saved Yui's dog that one time. At first, I based her entire 'affection' to me as guilt for harming myself, but now that I'm practically in her shoes, I now have a clearer understanding about her. When you are in imminent danger and someone saves you, conscious or not, you can't help but be aware of your savior. And the way I am completely absorbed with the blonde girl could attest to that.

"Don't mention it... So now that you're awake, let me ask... Are you an angel?"

Without any word of warning, her hands started roaming around my body, searching for any clues that could be used as evidence for her claim. I wasn't used to people touching me, and so naturally, her hands felt ticklish to me. I tried to stop her, but she was very eager in proving that I came from the skies. "W-What do you mean angel?"

Her hands stopped moving at that and asked "You don't know about Mother Eve's Angel Knight servants?"

"I do. What I meant is, why would you think that I'm an angel?"

"Since you fell from there, didn't you?"

Following to where she was pointing, I saw a giant island floating in the sky. If I remember the stories the twins would always share to me, this was believed to be Mother Eve's home, and was seen as an object of worship to many people. I've seen so many floating fortresses in my lifetime from numerous games, so a floating rock, no matter how big it is, is nothing great for him. Hell, there were bootleg games that were designed better than this.

But, the feeling and gravity that what I'm completely seeing is real is what made me stand still. Even if it was just a rock, the act of defying scientific laws would always bound him with amazement. On the other hand, the blonde girl gushed at him and said:

"Nobody's ever been up there before! If you fall from Sky Island, who else could you be!?"

Now, don't take this the wrong way. I am deeply flattered to call me an angel, despite already saying that I have the eyes of an undead. But now, the notion that I came from that place is highly ludicrous. Shaking my head, I tried to explain "Wait, you've got the wrong idea. I didn't came from Sky Island."

"Then might you be an alien? From which planet? Mars? Kurupiston?"

What the hell? That last one isn't even a real planet. Her eyes remind me much of Hina that it scares me. It looks like she has as much passion for the extraordinary as Ebina is for BL.

Although, that got me thinking. I've never told anyone, not even the twin sisters, of my past self. Being transported must be right up to this blonde woman's alley, as much of a stranger she is. Maybe she could give me some pointers on ways to go back home. But, the way her eyes sparkled from anything that's beyond 'normal' made me shudder. I might become her personal lab rat when she learns about the truth, and so, I decided to hide that fact.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm just human."

"... Not even a genetically-enhanced human or anything?"

"No, at least I don't remember being genetically enhanced."

"What, so you didn't fall from the sky? Should've known better." She offered her apologies, but I could still see the let down on her face. We were silent for a moment before I realized something. I was about to scratch my head, thinking about anything to say to disrupt the awkward silence when I realized the position they are in.

"B-By the way... How long do you plan to sit on me? I think it's more than enough of this awkward situation, right?"

"Hey, you still look ill, so no moving. Just lie there for a little longer." And so, I have the misfortune of staring at her face while sitting on top of me, looking like a bunch of idiots on the sea, with the ocean as the only audience.

Right now, I really want to punch Zaimokuza. Why the hell can't you just think of a normal fantasy story!? This new world sucks.

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**A/N's: **Well, there you go! I think it was a good place to stop. What do you guys think? Leave a comment to let me know and don't forget to put me and this story on your favorite and alert lists so that you can be up to date when the next installment comes. Thank you very much for reading!

'Til next time!  
-kmtdiccion :)


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